Mike Fagan Mexican Rankings 2024
Hello gentlemen. Happy Bobby Bonilla day! We are a mere 6 weeks away from the greatest golf trip in the history of mankind.
22 years of lunacy. Speaking of lunacy, good luck to this year's captains- Ed and Albert. This is going to take me awhile. Lots to get to.
Here we go:
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22. Mike Z and Kevin Callans
PER TRADITION, LAST YEARS POS ARE RANKED 22. FIRST TIME IN GALENA HISTORY ANYONE HAS BEEN RANKED THIS LOW. MIKE Z IN CONTENTION FOR BACK TO BACK YEARS AS THE WEBSITE NEEDS SOME SERIOUS UPDATING. IF ANYONE MENTIONS THE WORD ALGORITHIM, THEY WILL IMMEDIATELY BE IN CONTENTION FOR POS. MIKE Z WILL ALSO NEED TO AVOID SMOKE AND BUBBLES IN GALENA THIS YEAR. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT SHOW UP ON THIS TRIP. SPEAKING OF SHOWING UP, GLAD CALLY IS MAKING THE TRIP AGAIN THIS YEAR. HE HOLDS THE GALENA RECORD FOR SWINGS AND MISSES. THIS RECORD MAY NEVER BE BROKEN. ODDS ARE THAT CALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF THIS YEAR AND IS GOING TO BE ON A DRINK LIMIT THAT JOE EVEN APPROVED.
20. Jamie Bebar
Beebs is taking the year off as he has not mentally recovered from losing to Smitty and Albert last year. I, too, have not recovered, but I like pain, so I am returning. See you in 2025 Beebs.
19. Kevin Quinn
Quinn chose family over this trip and will not be joining us. Talk about someone who does not have their priorities straight. WTF? Early votes for 2025 POS already. GFY TJ. Plan better next year.
18. Tim Trendel
Who is this fucking guy? Is he the guy that played a few years ago, did not bring a driver, and played slot machines in every establishment we stopped in? If the answer is yes, good luck drafting this guy. Rumor has it, he likes vodka, horse racing and sitting outside on a warm summer evening.
17. Dave Albert (Captain)
Last year, Albert and Mickey were tied, but Albert draws the short end of the stick due to mental pressure of being a captain this year. Who will be Albert's #1 draft pick? Richie? AB? Smitty? He is going to need help with the draft, let's be honest. If he drafts like he does in fantasy, he goes with his heart and not his mind. If this stays true, look for JJ (Dolphin fan) and any Cub fan to be on his list of "must have" guys.
16. Mickey Smith
Mickey has gotten in one round since the end of Club Modz because all he does is travel for work. Please take this into consideration when drafting him. Albert considering drafting Mickey because he likes the color green and the Dolphins are green. Mick is good for one huge putt on the trip as well as one more good fight.
15. Dave Holmes
This is the highest Holmes has been ranked in years, but he is even more pissed at me because it is due to two guys on the list who aren't even coming. Homey has a new driver so watch out. Also, he is still watching You Tube videos on how to chip. He is still the old man on the trip and was hoping we could coax Wayne King (I'm Wayne King bitch) out of retirement so he would not have that title. Sorry Dave.
14. Ed Rosetto (Captain)
Ed has not been practicing golf this summer. He has been practicing:
- Drinking alcohol
- Eating fast
- Spelling
- Smashing eggs on his head.
No truth to the rumor took the SAT this spring in order to prepare for any mental "physical" challenges. All he cares about is winning the captain's challenges.
13. Joe Tonelli
Now that Jake is married (Congrats Jake!) Joe can prepare for Galena. Rumor has it, lots of golf in his future for the month of July. Joe will embrace smoke and bubbles at Galena this year and might even be changing his fantasy football name to smoky bubbles.
12. Peter Korbar
He doesn't know it, but he is on double secret probation as he will be bringing a 9 Wood to Galena this year. I didn't know that even made a 9-Wood for men. I thought it was for women or for men who now identify as women. In the immortal words of one of Peter's favorite movies Stripes. "Are either of you homosexuals? No, but we are willing to learn. Would they send us someplace special?"
11. Rich Zizek
Richie coaching his son’s baseball team again this year. What does that mean? Less golf again. This does not matter to Albert. Look for Richie to go early in this draft. If he becomes a Dolphin fan, he might go in the first round.
10. Mike Fagan
He still has the yips, invented the Frankenstein swing, but still thinks he is funny and good at golf. Like President Biden, his handicap is a 9. #BULLSHIT. However, he did recently crash a quinceanera and was welcome with open arms. Albert has the video to prove it. He also likes white cowboy hats which has nothing to do with golf.
9. Paul Branshaw
Paul ranked 9th despite this being an election year. He might not come to Galena in 2025, as he will be moving to Washington D.C. to be Trump's tax advisor and golf buddy if he wins the election. Underrated player. You have to decide- is it worth it to have him on your team and risk having him in your cart because instead of listening to yacht rock, he wants to listen to Fox News.
8. AB
Who the fuck is this guy? If he fucks up, Albert is the runaway POS…
7. Jason Vitas
Smitty has already voted Vitas MVP. Holmes and I would like to actually go on the trip first. Does not want to be called "Robin". Let's face it, he's Batman and when he is coaching at Providence, they win state titles. Changing subjects, this also has nothing to do with golf.
6. Jim Fagan a/k/a 3 WOOD
How the Fuck is 3-Wood ranked #6? He is going to be pissed he's not in the top 5. As usual, he likely has the most rounds in (minus Callans). He has perfected a new shot. It's called "the lay-up". Sound about right Mick???
5. JJ
​I saw a guy at Jake Tonelli's wedding that looked like JJ, but I do not think it was him because he did not have a hat on. Also, his name tag said "James Galliagain". JJ might be asked to spell his own name this year and there is only an 83% chance he gets it correct.
4. Rick Roehr a/k/a Muzzy a/k/a Mugzy k/n/a RAGE
Rick Roehr a/k/a Muzzy/a/ka/ Mugzy k/n/a RAGE now holds the Club Modz record for most DNR in a season. Of course, he is not happy about it. When he heard about Peter's 9 –Wood, rumor has it he was quoted as saying, "That club will not be coming back from Galena in one piece"
3. Jim "Stinger" Arnold
​Was in contention to be the #1 seed, but then Goodwin used his clubs at Club Modz and Jim hasn't recovered since. He is just glad that he is not a captain this year and by the time it is his turn to be captain again, he might not be going on the trip. He is looking forward to darts at the bowling alley this year.
2. Kevin Modzelewski
Modz not happy to slip to #2 this year. This is what happens when you don't allow anyone to use your bidet and you spent all your golf money on improving Club Modz instead of playing more golf. Rumor has it, he is also training for the Chicago marathon and will be running on the trip. #IWILLBELIEVEITWHENISEEIT.
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1. Mark Smith
Fortunately, golf season comes a bit late for Smitty this year as he has secured yet another state title! Porch time with Trendel has also increased. He is the favorite to be the MVP. The kid is en fuego.
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There you have it boys…the 2024 Mexican rankings. Everyone stay healthy!