Mike Fagan Mexican Rankings 2016
20- Jim Fagan
Newbie. Should be thanking his lucky stars he’s been invited on this trip. Does not break 100 a lot, but he is doing DDP yoga to prepare physically for the trip. The question is- is he mentally ready for the trip? Probably not. Doesn’t lack confidence and can hit his 3-wood anywhere from 140 yards to 200 yards. Would be great if we had a round where you only use one club. Too bad we don’t have that round. Will likely be drafted last and that is where he belongs despite finishing second in the May 2016 “angry scramble” ahead of Dave Holmes and Mickey Smith.
19- Chris Vitas
Newbie. Should be thanking his lucky stars he’s been invited on this trip and is only going because someone dropped out. Average golfer who has probably golfed a total of 2 times in the last year (will now be practicing for the next month and a half for the trip).
A long hitter off the tee with a tendency to slice. If he's on he's mid to upper 80's. If he's off he's mid to upper 90's.
18- Ed Rosetto
Just completed his two year cell phone ban in Galena. However, his kids are now in college, which means they may be playing intramural softball which could place Ed back on the cell phone ban. Just a reminder, if anyone has any medical conditions, please share them (confidentially of course) with Ed as anyone that goes into cardiac arrest (except Joe) will be resuscitated by Ed. Underrated as a golfer. Can contribute in a scramble format.
17- Joe Tonelli
Reigning POS award winner. Will be the early favorite to repeat as POS if he does not bring the POS award with him. Probably hasn’t golfed more than once this year and will want to go out and “practice” the week before the trip. Originator of the “I will punch you in the face” slogan which is funny. Also, will take orders for mixed drinks because he’s the “life of the party”. For you smokers out there…please DO NOT light a match in Joe’s room. Will have enough hard alcohol to blow up a small town (like Freeport) in his room. He is likely pissed that Kevin Modz. is not ranked beneath him, but he still loves Muzzy, his only friend on the trip.
16- Peter Korbar
Most important person on the trip- just ask him. He is Joe’s bosses, bosses, bosses boss. Looks like a combination of Pitbull and Daugherty and looks like he could kick anyone’s ass. All three are false. He is VERY UPSET that Wayne King is not going on this trip, and he will probably play shittier because of it, which is why he is ranked so low.
15- Paul Branshaw
If this trip was in the springtime, he would not be able to go because it’s too close to tax season and he’s still recovering. Tried to write-off his $60 poker entry fees last year and was audited. Not a bad golfer, but does not look like he can golf. He’s kind of the opposite of Peter Korbar. We need a physical challenge between these two if they are on opposite teams.
14- Mickey Smith
Two time Galena MVP. Loves Green Lantern and the color green. Talks a lot (kinda like Kevin Modz) and is still pissed at Ed for the Euchre card game from last year. Fierce competitor and will NEVER GIVE up. #14 ranking may be his highest ever.
13- Dave Holmes
Former POS award winner in 2014. With Wayne’s departure, is now the “old man” on the trip. Can hit the ball 9,000 yards but he can’t chip to save his life. However, rumor has it, has been watching You Tube videos on how to chip. Potential sleeper and could be a monster in a 2 man scramble. Underrated. HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS???
12- Mike Z (2016 Captain)
Probably can’t see this e-mail because he is one of two people that is legally blind on the trip. Hits a “knock down 3 iron” farther than I have ever seen before. Also ate a whole pecan pie (without milk) once at a card game. All-around nice guy and can talk a lot if he is with the right people. Might take JJ with the first overall pick because he likes JJ- everyone likes JJ.
11- Jason Vitas (2016 Captain)
Former POS award winner from 2013. Spent the last three years in counseling for losing in match play to Mickey Smith but also spent the last three years winning back to back to back state titles at Providence! SWAT TEAM! Can hit the ball just as far as Dave Holmes and can play barefoot. He is on a roll and is not messing around this year.
10- Muzzy
Welcome back Muzzy. Half the guys on this trip do not know his real name and he wants to keep it that way. Joe sent him a Christmas card this year and wants to be his roommate but Peter won't allow it as he and Joe will be having his annual review in the hotel room in between golf, drinking, and cards. Highest ranking for a player in only his 2nd year.
9- Kevin Modz
Was one Joe Tonelli drive at Prairie View from being the 2015 POS. Showed up late, talked all the time, and did not golf well. He’s glad to be back this year. Rumor has it, he’s vacationing in Freeport the week before the trip with his family and is sending them all home right before we arrive so he won't be late. Will ask Joe for a ride home on the way back. Joe hates Modz and I want to see them golf mono v. mono. Underrated golfer.
8- Mike Fagan
Highest ranking ever for the Mexican. It’s not because he’s that good…12 other guys suck worse. Two time Galena MVP. Has lost his ability to drive the ball off the tee and hates irons. Anything below 150, he’s in trouble. However, he may be the best putter and chipper on the trip despite the fact that his putter is broken. Will have two putters in his bag and is the butt of insensitive jokes about his heritage.
7- Jamie Bebar
What’s up Beebs?
6- JJ
Half the guys on this trip do not know JJ’s first or last name. Was upset to hear that Vitas’ brother was coming on the trip because JJ needs a new roommate to snuggle with. May not sleep the entire trip and will still golf 85 or lower.
5- Rich Zizek
Dave Albert’s #1 pick from a few years ago. This is one of the reasons Albert is not on the trip this year. Brings 4 different set of golf shoes on the trip and always looks good. Works at a park district so there is no reason why he should not be a good golfer. Is considering hiring a videographer to capture the 2016 Ryder Cup and wants to sell the rights to MTV as a reality TV show.
4- Jim Arnold
Mr. Consistency. Might be the nicest guy on the trip. Can’t believe he puts up with us. Also, may be the funniest guy on the trip. Has fully recovered from his back injury from a few years ago and he has already “pre-golfed” the course for this year and for 2017. When you golf with Jim Arnold, you will have a good time.
3- Mark Smith
Our leader and back to back to back state champion! However, being the Galena MVP will not be as easy as three state titles. Golf season started later again this season as he was busy dominating. Very consistent golfer and can compete with the big dogs. Honestly, though, all he really cares about is finding that hamburger in the pool. He LOVED that thing.
2- Kevin Quinn
Rumor has it, has a knee injury which keeps him out of the #1 spot. Brought walk-up music last year to the trip which was awesome. However, he does not have Wayne as his roommate this year, which could throw him off. Kicked my ass at Blackhawk a few years ago. So glad we don't go there anymore…
1- Kevin Callans
Reigning MVP. SOB flies in from Florida from this event every year. Really? Still legally blind in one eye and he was the MVP. What does that say about us? Can recite every PGA golf rule and does not need the book to look something up. Slipped and fell at the pool last year and almost broke a rib and still won the MVP. Man do we suck at golf.