Mike Fagan Mexican Rankings 2020
Hello gentlemen. I hope you are all well and you are your families are safe during this generational time in our lives. Hopefully, you are all looking forward to Galena 2020! I hope that these rankings bring a smile to your face. As usual, you better have thick skin as I love you all. If not, kindly GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
21. Dave Albert
For the first time in Galena history, someone is ranked #21 out of #20. Dave- You will be missed…see you in 2022!
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20. Jamie Bebar
2020 POS and he earned it. Biggest margin of victory ever for Team Richie (307-152). OUCH. Not to be outdone, Beebs was a captain for the weight loss/fitness challenge. Unfortunately, this also did not turn out well with Team BBB tapping out with three weeks to go in the challenge because Mike Z. could not think of any way for Team BBB to come back and win. No worries Beebs…only one way to go and that is up my friend!
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19. Ed Rossetto
Due to COVID-19, Ed was forced to drop out last year. Welcome back Ed. Ed was also a co-captain until a few days ago and was dismissed as captain, which has never happened before in Galena Ryder Cup history. Don't forget…Ed was chosen as co-captain last year and he wasn't even present. #CAPTAININABSENTIA. As usual, Ed playing lots of golf this summer. However, it does not seem to translate into success in Galena as Ed is 1-7-2 since 2018.
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18. Mickey Smith
Rumor has it, Mickey can't wait to go back to Woodbine. He hit one so far left onto the street, I think it is still rolling. Reading this, Mickey will probably want to fight me as he has been doing MMA training this past year. #YOUMADBRO? Mickey hits it a ton, but has no idea where it is going…left, right, usually anywhere except down the middle of the fairway. 7-9 the past three years. Still loves to talk and loves the color green. Also, if anyone wants a lesson in Euchre, Mickey will be doing a Pod Cast live from Freeport every night we are there.
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17. Dave Holmes
Do you know how pissed Holmes is right now that he is ranked 17? #ANGRYHOLMEY. However, the stats do not lie…5-11 the past three years. OUCH. Dave…at least you were not the captain and got beat by 155 points (Sorry Beebs). Rumor has it, Holmes has been working on slowing down his swing. #THATSNOFUN.
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16. Joe Tonelli
Joe has not cut his hair since March 16, 2020. Luckily, he has shaved. He looked like Mick Foley, WWE Hall of Famer and/or the guy that is always standing at Rt. 30/I-55 exit with a sign that says, in part:
TOO UGLY TO PROSTITUTE. #NOWTHATISFUNNY.
Joe 6-10 the past three years but he’s also been on the winning team two of the past three years. He's a winner. Just ask him. Also, don't forget- You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.
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15. Peter Korbar
No one really sees or talks to Peter (except Joe) until Galena. He has been on the road in 2021 doing rap battles virtually and he has over 1 million followers on Tik Tok. Rumor has it, he just got back from a secret golf trip. #HEISCHEATINGONUS. Not only did he shit the bed on #18 at Park Hills in 2019 to cost Latino Heat a possible victory, he beat me head's up in the weight loss contest. However, I later found out that he had COVID during those two weeks. #THATSBULLSHIT. Don't let him fool you…when he plays cards, he plays to win- Since 2018, 3 top 5 finishes, 2018 Omaha champ, and 2019 Hold'em champ.
14. Matt Main
Be honest…how many of you said…"Who the fuck is Matt Main???" I will tell you who he is:
Matt Main a/k/a My Buddy Matt a/k/a MBM a/k/a 2020 Savior, a/k/a 2021 Savior.
Put his name on the damn MVP trophy RIGHT NOW. Thanks for saving us (AGAIN) Matt.
13. Jason Vitas
VBOMB 8-6-2 the last three years. Same record as me and Mike Z. Then why is he ranked so low? Because he lost to Mickey in match play once and that is tough to forget. VBOMB is retiring from Providence after this year. Joe…bring some shots so we can toast to VBOMB's high school coaching career. This means more time for golf perhaps. No one hits it farther (that include you Mickey…you are a part of no one) and no one hits it shorter (sometimes). #WHERESTHECONSISTENCY???
12. Paul Branshaw
2020 MVP. Did he tell you guys he was the MVP last year? Rumor has it, he charged his tax clients 10% more this year because of his awesomeness. Not only was he the 2020 MVP, he also was on the winning weight loss team and did a Boot Camp with his new best friend Kevin Modz. Not only do these two Bosom Buddies do boot camp together, they have also been golfing together at White Tail Ridge. It's so nice to see this friendship blossom. Rumor has it, they will be roommates this year with only one full-sized bed. Paul 9-5-2 the last three years and is 3-0. #IMPRESSIVE. However, he is still wearing a medium shirt.
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11. Jim Fagan a/k/a 3 WOOD
Disaster was averted this Spring when 3 Wood snapped his 3 Wood at the range. Luckily, he is a member of the range at Bolingbrook and they toweled him off and walked him to his car. Yes…he is a member of the range but not the course. #WTF. Dick's Sporting Goods only charged $90 to re-shaft the club when he could have bought one on-line for $37. Might golf more than anyone except Callans…GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF GOLF. Beat me for only the second time in his life in Cape Cod back in April (by one stroke) and the flood gates opened (lots of happy crying). Thinks he can beat anyone. #POSITIVEMENTATITUTE. 9-5-2 the last three years but is 1-2 team wise.
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10. Rich Zizek
I am putting Richie behind me just to piss him off…and because he is 5-8-3 the last three years but he is 3-0 team wise. Also, was the winning captain last year. To put this into perspective, Joe Tonelli has one more win the last three years. #WOW.
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9. Mike Fagan
The only minority on the trip took a step back last year and now has an 8-6-2 record. However, I have lost 31.7 pounds (and counting). This has affected my ability to hit long drives which I already couldn't do. Also, I drink two beers now and I am hammered. Put me up against anyone at Park Hills East and the Freeport Club and I should win. I am fucked at the other courses.
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8. JJ
JJ is 4-10-2 and 0-3. WTF JJ? However, he has recently told me:
- He took 6th at the Czerkies outing.
- 1st in the Wish Upon a Star Outing
- Shot 90 and 92 at Wedgewood with a 9 on a par 4, two 8's, and a couple of 7's.
- Voted best dressed wherever he goes.
7. RAGE
I do not want to get fined…it's just RAGE. 9-7 and 2-1 team wise. Nothing else to say other than Joe can't wait to see RAGE.
6. Jim "Stinger" Arnold
Everyone held their breath when Stinger went out to the driving range recently to test out his back. He's all good! I do not care that he is 6-8-2 the last three years. He is still a top tiered golfer because I said so. He may be sad, though, if he can't room with Paul this year due to his bromance with Modz. #BROMANCE.
5. Mike Z
I ALWAYS HAVE SO MUCH FUN TYPING OUT MIKE Z A/K/A THE SCHOFIELD KID'S RANKING IN ALL CAPS. THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THIS WITH THE SMALLEST FONT I COULD FIND. #NOTNICE. BY THE WAY, THE SCHOFIELD KID'S BEST LINE IN UNFORGIVEN??? "DID YOU GET HIM??? DID YOU KILL ME? KINDA LIKE WHEN MIKE Z SAYS…"DID YOU SEE THAT DRIVE…DID I KILL IT??? MIKE Z. DID SOMETHING LAST YEAR THAT HAD NOT BEEN DONE IN ALMOST THREE YEARS…HE BEAT SMITTTY. HOWEVER, THE PAST THREE YEARS, HE IS 8-6-2 AND 1-2 IN THE TEAM GAMES. BE CAREFUL THIS YEAR…HE LIKES TO MAKE UP GOLF RULES. TRUST ME I KNOW. #LOCKPORTGOLFRULES
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4. Kevin Modzelewski
Modz en fuego:
Winning captain in weight loss contest.
Completed boot camp.
Threatened to quit his job over Galena.
Him and Paul Branshaw are best friends.
So, if you and Paul room together this year, does that mean RAGE and STINGER are roomies??? Modz went 6-0 last year and is 12-4 over the past three years. Every since he won the POS, Modz has vowed never to go back to that dark place (as well as Urgent Care centers) after midnight.
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3. Mark Smith
Smitty currently busy proving once again why he is the best high school coach in the state of Illinois and will be walking into the Hall of Fame when he retires. This is an official challenge for Smitty to work in the following phrases at his Hall of Fame speech:
1. Twisted
2. Galena
3. KQI
Apparently, Smitty does need too much time to practice golf as he is 15-1 the last three years. GFY Mike Z.
2. Kevin Quinn a/k/a TJ's Dad a/k/a The Terminator. (He doesn't make mistakes).
Still pissed that he is not ranked #1. 9-5-2 and a 1-2 team record won't get you ranked #1. Quinn was sad to see Ed go as his co-captain and he has nominated TJ as honorary captain and he will be face timing Quinn during the draft so he can help him make decisions. Saw me golf recently and told me I was worse than Mickey which was almost true. Golfs almost as much as Callans and 3 Wood.
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1. Kevin Callans
Still does not understand why he is ranked #1 with a 7-6-3 record. I don't know…ask Quinn. Rumor has it, Callans only somewhat sad to see Albert not be his co-captain. Kinda like the Princess Bride…#MOSTLYDEAD. This guy has been travelling to Freeport for so many years. Isn't next year our 20th anniversary???
HMMMM…I wonder what the Galena committee has in store for 2022??? First thing first…everyone please stay safe and with all due respect…GFY!
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