Mike Fagan Mexican Rankings 2022
Good evening gentlemen and Happy Father’s Day weekend to you all. What better time for the 2022 Mexican Rankings. As you know, this is the 20th year. Where does the time go? Joe vs. Peter, Part III. It doesn’t get any better than that. Without further ado, here we go!
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20. Ed Rosetto
Per tradition, Ed is ranked #20 due to being the 2021 POS. The statute of limitations is still open on the Battery that was committed on Jamie Bebar by Ed. One more year and you are free Ed. Your 2-12-3 record also contributed to your ranking. However, Ed has been doing lots of cross training this year. Be on the look out for Ed to pull an upset this year in one of his matches.
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19. Kevin Callans and Kevin Quinn (tie)
After the shit these two pulled last year, they are lucky to be invited back. No truth to the rumor that a vote was held by the Galena Committee (sorry Joe you are still not on the committee) for permanent expulsion. Callans- We are all praying for a swift and full recovery brother. Quinn currently on vacation golfing…does this guy ever work? Just remember gentlemen…REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD. HAHAHAHAHA!
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17. Mickey Smith
Yes Mickey…you are ranked below Dave Albert who hasn’t golfed in two years. Did you really shoot 126 at Heritage Bluff recently? WTF? Do you realize that if you double bogey every hole you would shoot a 108??? Instead of Make America Great Again we need hats that say MMBAA- Make Mickey Below Average Again because right now you are terrible! Your 12-10-1 record is SO tainted.
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16. Dave Albert
Welcome back David! I am going to be honest with you. Lots of people on this trip LOVE MBM, so don’t piss anybody off or there may be a physical challenge to determine if you come back in 2023. Good news is that if the challenge is an eating contest, you are a lock. The baby formula shortage is over, but for some reason there’s a shortage in the area on Carmex…hmmm…Your record is 1-12-3? HAHAHAHHAHAHA! I think I know your one win…the greatest upset in Galena history! Modz is still in counseling because of this.
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15. Dave Holmes
Do you know how happy Holmes is right now that he is not ranked 17? #15AINTMUCHBETTER. Holmes does have You Tube TV now so he can watch chipping videos anytime he wants. 7-16 record? OUCH! Most losses in the history of the GFY website.
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14. Joe Tonelli
Joe still has not cut his hair since March 16, 2020. Still looks like that bum on the corner of 55 and 30. 2022 captain. Can you imagine being on the phone listening to Peter and Joe plan?
JOE- HEY COCKSUCKER, WHAT YOU DO THINK ABOUT GETTING EVERYONE SHIRTS THAT SAY YOU CAN’T DRINK ALL DAY IF YOU DON’T START IN THE MORNING?
PETER- JOE…WE DID THAT ALREADY.
JOE- HEY ASSHOLE, WHAT IF WE DID A SCAVENGER HUNT FOR A PHYSICAL CHALLENGE?
PETER- WE DID THAT ALREADY.
JOE- HEY DICKHEAD. WHAT IF WE WORE MALE ROMPERS FOR THE KQI?
PETER- YOU DID THAT LAST YEAR DUMBASS.
Joe became the only person is Galena history to get a DUI while driving a golf cart. Joe and Darla (our Park Hills friend) have been Facebook friends since last year. She can’t wait to see Joe.
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13. Rich Zizek
I am putting Richie in between Joe and Peter (spoiler alert) just to piss him off. His 7-11-4 record didn’t help either. Also, I saw him shoot 119 earlier this year. #UNDERACHIEVER. Richie- Joe has two more wins than you…let that sink in. I will take the over how many times Richie has too much club. #HEISSKINNYBUTHEISMIGHTY.
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12. Peter Korbar
2022 Captain. Might be the best putter on the trip. Also, he has been playing with his son this summer. Does anyone think he wants to lose to Joe in the rubber match??? Ain’t no way that’s happening. 11-11-1. Ones are wild my friend!
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11. JAMIE BEBAR
What’s up Beebs? Every time someone wants to golf, Beebs says he is working. Not a good sign. Scouting report is that Beebs has not golfed much this year. However, he’s a gamer and will rise to the occasion, so you want him on your team despite his 10-12-1 record.
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10. Paul Branshaw
11-7-5 overall. Ironically, I think that’s some special tax code that Paul has memorized. With inflation at an all time high, Paul was seen at Play it Again Sports buying used golf balls for this year’s trip. Also, based on last year’s hats, Paul will be bringing TRUMP 2024 AND BEYOND hats for anyone that wants one.
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9. Jason Vitas
VBOMB has cracked the top 10. Rumor has it, he quit Providence so he could practice his golf game. Played with him once this year and he beat me, 3 Wood, and JJ. Well done. I think I still owe JJ money. Fuck JJ…his broken thumb cost the Fagan brothers a victory a few years ago. Maybe a rematch is right around the corner…HMMMM….
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8. Jim Fagan a/k/a 3 WOOD
Last year, disaster was averted when 3 Wood snapped his 3 Wood at the range but was able to fix it before the trip. This year, 3 Wood has a ganglion cyst on his right finger. He has delayed surgery until November and only has 26 rounds in this year to rest. Advil, BioFreeze and Bud Light will do the trick. Be cautious in drafting him. Also, I saw his Kryptonite…wet grass. 10-7-6 overall. 6 ties? WTF?
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​7. Mike Fagan
No truth to the rumor that he is still pissed that he did not get the MVP last year. No…he’s not pissed. He only went 5-0-2. I can still hear Mike Z say…you didn’t do well in cards. GFY Mike Z. Who died and put you in charge? However, how can you be pissed when Jim Arnold wins? #SALTOFTHEEARTH. Fagan has been nursing a bad left knee. MRI set for the end of June. No worries, I will cut my left leg off in order to be in Galena in August. If I do cut my left leg off, I look forward to golfing lots with Ed, Mickey, and Albert.
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6. JJ
JJ is 46 years old and he still plays softball, kick ball and cup ball at Inwood. They are going to erect a statute of him there soon. JJ is 9-12-2 as his record hasn’t recovered from his thumb injury. Voted best dressed for the trip (sorry Richie). Look for JJ to make a move to get into the top 5 for 2023.
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5. Rick Roehr a/k/a Muzzy/a/ka/ Mugzy k/n/a RAGE
Listen…there’s nothing funnier that hearing your 78-year-old father say, “Your friend MUZZY did a great job on your roof”. LOL. 14-9 overall. Don’t sleep on this guy.
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4. Jim "Stinger" Arnold
2022 MVP (and well deserved). Stinger has already golfed more this year that any spring in the last 5 years. He is going for back-to-back MVP’s which has never happened before. 10-9-4 does not tell the story. He is always matched up with quality golfers. If you can’t have a good time golfing with Stinger, don’t come back next year!
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3. Mike Z A/K/A THE SCHOFIELD KID
CALLANS SO HAPPY THAT MIKE Z IS WILLING TO DRIVE DOWN TO FLORIDA TO PICK HIM UP BUT IS AFRAID THAT HE MIGHT END UP TAKING A WRONG TURN BECAUSE HE CAN’T SEE THE GPS. 11-9-3 RECORD IN SERIOUS JEAPORDY. IS HE EMOTIONALLY STRONG ENOUGH TO PERFORM LIKE LAST YEAR???
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2. Kevin Modzelewski
Modz also felt that he was robbed of the MVP last year and he has been telling his counselor about it in their private sessions. First, it was the “urgent care incident”. Then, the loss to Paul and Albert. Now, robbed of the MVP. 15-8 overall and I think I saw him punch out with his driver 9000 times last year. If he keeps it in the fairway, look out.
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1. Mark Smith
2022 Galena has been circled on the Smith calendar for 11 months. 1-3-3 last year. Unacceptable! No truth to the rumor that Smitty has had a picture of Mike Z in his bathroom and crumbles it up every day just like Rocky did with Ivan Drago’s picture in Rocky III. Smitty is out for BLOOD this year and he’s s 1-3 favorite for the MVP this year.
Stay well, play some golf, and let’s make the 20th anniversary a memory of a lifetime!