Mike Fagan Mexican Rankings 2026
Hello gentlemen!!!
Happy week before 4th of July. 24 years and counting. Good luck to this year's captains- Modz and Muzzy vs Quinn (welcome back) and Richie. If memory serves, Modz was talking some serious shit last year, but I also have a video of him passed out in the conference room hours later. Maybe he doesn’t remember...
Here we go:
23. Paul Branshaw
Per tradition, the POS is ranked last. First time we have had 23 people in the rankings. Went 1-5 last year. Probably hasn’t played lots of golf this year as he has been preparing for the 250th USA birthday party. He is also in charge of finding out who cut a 350 foot hole in the reflecting pool.
22. Brian Gehrke
Went 2-4 last year and is currently not on the trip. However, he is one injury away from filling in. Stay healthy everyone.
21. Tim Trendel
Trendel one of the first to pay this year because he knows we will need him. If for some reason he doesn’t go, the money will go to the Trendel/Smitty vodka slushy machine they use every day during summer break. Played well last year. Don’t sleep on this guy.
20. Dave Albert
Albert went 2-3-1 this year and was involved yet again in a big upset. GO FUCK MYSELF. However, rumor has it, he is back to not being good at golf again. I hope he is on my team this year. I want no part of him. Albert’s all time record is now 5-25-6 and three of these wins were against me. Albert owns me.
19. Ed Rosetto
Ed one year into retirement but still ranked low. Played well at Club Modz, but will that transition to Galena? I will take the under. LOL. Ed likes to golf, but likes the food more...
18. Peter Korbar
As usual, no one knows what to do with Peter. With Joe taking a year off due to an injured shoulder, how will this affect Peter? Will he be sad? Will he be happy? Will he be quiet? Will he be loud? Who will be his roomate? Will he stay up past 9:00 any night this year? I guess we will have to show up and found out...
17. Dave Holmes
Holmes may never golf inside at Club Modz (or anywhere else) again. Has a serious case of the yips now for two years. However, rumor has it, his game is trending up lately. We will see...2024 MVP might be back baby!
16. Jamie Bebar
After missing 2024 and 2025 Beebs is back. No one knows anything about his game. Could be a value pick or could be the POS. 14-13-3 all-time record will help his draft status.
15. Jason Vitas
Missed last year due to an injury unrealted to his broken leg from a few years ago. Lately, he has been strealing new driver’s from a thift store (2 for $7.99? OOPS) and coaching a 12 year old kid with half a hand and the kid was batting 5th. More golf this year as Providence was one and DONE. He doesn’t care about that or any of you guys. Busying trying to win yet another state title. That’s it. Like Joe said, GFY…
14. Jim Fagan a/k/a 3 WOOD
He is going to be so pissed when he sees that he’s ranked #16. Still golfing all the time and has slightly changed his swing. Has it helped? You guys can decide.
13. Rick Roehr k/n/a Rage f/n/a Muzzy (Co-captain)
I want everyone to imagine all the conversations Modz had with Rage over the past 10 months or so. Over/under on how many words Rage was able to get in. I am setting the number at 26.
12. Mike Fagan a/k/a Mexican
Yips, 92% gone. However, new job has limited his ability to golf this summer. Who changes jobs at age 55? This dumbass did. Also, had to take three weeks off due to a new injury- Peroneal Tendonitis: Causes, Treatment and Prevention. Cortiscone shot set for 7/31.
11. AB
Pretty much dominated Club Modz. Was on his phone too much last year and was nicknamed “Ed, Jr.”. Albert is so happy AB is on the trip. He’s like a kid in a candy store. However, he is 5-7-1 and has never been on the winning team. Proceed with caution.
10. JJ
JJ’s request to hit from the senior tees as he is now 50 has been denied. Also sad Joe is not coming this year. That’s all I got. Can’t think of anything else. Sorry JJ...
9. Rich Zizek (Co-captain)
Also sad Joe is not coming this year. #FOURHORSEMAN. Is Richie golfing this summer or is he too busy coaching baseball??? Looking to win best dressed this year over JJ.
8 Kevin Callans
Cally re-established himself last year going 4-2. No one has been on the winning team (since we have been keeping track). 5-2 since 2018. Will his uptick continue? Show up the first week of August and find out bitches...
7. Mike Z
ALWAYS ALL CAPS FOR MIKE Z. RUMOR HAS IT, HE SPENT FATHER’S DAY AT PARK HILLS PLAYING 36. HE’S READY. NO ONE (AND I MEAN NO ONE) HATES LOSING MORE THAN MIKE Z. WENT 4-2 LAST YEAR. WANT TO GO 7-0 THIS YEAR BUT WE ONLY PLAY 6 ROUNDS (OR DO WE???)
6. SMITTY
Lots of golf, vodka and chocolate milk for Smitty so far this summer. Smitty- Have you ever tried vodka mixed with chocolate milk? Sounds delicious! Went undefeated last year, but he played against me twice, so it is not as impressive as it looks.
5. Jim Arnold
Took the year off from Club Modz due to knee surgery. May also never golf indoors again. He might be ranked too low. Never gets rattled and he is a gamer. Will definitely be a top pick.
4. Modz (Co-Captain)
Last year, Modz gained 35 pounds since the Chicago marathon. This year, he got kicked out of boot camp because he actually GAINED weight. #CONSISTENT. If his team doesn’t win, he may be in line for the POS. We all know what happened last time he was the POS.
3. Kevin Quinn (Co-Captain)
Welcome back Kevin. Rumor has it, you and TJ have been golfing LOTS this summer. I hope you are ready. Modz is confident. Are you?
2. Joe Tonelli
Joe will be taking the year off due to a shoulder injury. You will be missed my friend. We hope to see you at Club Modz- the outdoor version before the trip (stay tuned on that gentlemen) and maybe a visit up to Freeport one night. Just in case this doesn’t happen Joe has a message...GO FUCK YOURSELVES. SEE YOU ASSHOLES IN 2027 FOR THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY- PETER VS. JOE, PART III.
1. MICKEY SMITH
We love you Mick! #MICKSTRONG.